Dealing with change can be
Going through several changes all at once can drive you mad.
And sometimes the madness can lead you to question things in your life, like the love you have for yourself. Or worse, the love of those around you.
Overcoming Negative Thoughts
I’ve written a few posts on the changes I felt when we first moved to South Florida, and all the changes we went through as a family. But I never mentioned something I held dear to me until recently. After becoming a SAHM, I felt as though I relied heavily on Jeff. I never saw this new life as something that could benefit us both. For me, being a SAHM seemed unfair because Jeff was able to provide for our family while I stayed behind with the boys. But it was nothing like that. It took me some time to realize how valuable this role of a SAHM is. And in all honesty, how beautiful it can be.
The Toughest Part
After two years of living here in South Florida, I sat down with Jeff to tell him about the things I felt. Although they weren’t always there, they did come to mind from time to time. Watching him go off to work every day would remind me of the time I would do the same and at times I felt jealous of my husband because he was able to walk away from the kids, drive off to work, and provide for our family. But in between the time he spends driving to work, he gets to play music without worrying about the kids in the back. The time I spend driving to and from places is a mix of having to keep my toddler entertained, calming my infant who is crying in the back because the car is at a stop light, and on days when we bring the pup, making sure I have visibility off the right-hand side. I don’t know how more moms aren’t causing accidents with all the multi-tasking we have to do! I know Jeff misses us when he’s gone, and the toughest part is always saying goodbye because of the long hours. They have improved since he’s changed location and titles. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m very happy for Jeff’s accomplishments, and I’m always rooting for his success. But at times, when I would sit down at home — hair a mess, can’t find inspiration to write, and I’m seconds away from just deleting my blog and wishing I had a 9-5 again — I wonder whether or not this is everything I ever wanted.
Developing A New Mentality
It’s scary to think there are people who have it worse, and that’s what often snaps me out of the funk. And the simple fact that all this madness is only temporary. When I sat down and told Jeff everything, he understood why I had those mood swings, and why I would get so frustrated with him from time to time. He couldn’t see why I would be jealous of him leaving our family for so long. I explained to him that it’s the simple fact that you get to continue to be who you were before we had kids. That’s the problem with being a SAHM. We forget to keep being that awesome person we were before we became a parent. Jeff reassured me how important being a SAHM is, and all the wonderful things that come along with it. It may not seem glamorous, but it’s very rewarding.
Every moment you get to spend with your little one helps in strengthening your bond. In times when I feel my lowest, I remember three things:
1. You have control over your life. Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not in control or that you don’t know who you are anymore. You may have a new role, but it doesn’t mean you lost control of who you are. Embrace it!
2. Make the most out of every moment. The tantrums won’t last forever, the memories will. Forget what’s driving you mad, it’s only temporary.
3. Keep yourself busy. You may think parenting is enough to keep you busy throughout the day, but that’s not true. Take time out to do what you love. Do something for yourself.