We all experience hurt in our lives. Sometimes it’s caused by loving someone too much or not loving someone enough.
It’s a double-edged sword; by hurting others, sometimes we hurt ourselves.
Dating Can Be Scary
Prior to meeting Jeff, I dated a lot. And as a result, I got hurt plenty of times.
Whenever I hear of the pain someone is going through after a bad breakup, I remember the pain I experienced years ago.
When you’re dating someone, you have the tendency to place their needs before your own.
You almost forget you exist, and when you’re back to being on your own, it feels as though you’re lost.
Each time things would end with someone, I felt the same. Empty, confused, and just down.
The Healing Process
Overcoming the pain wasn’t easy, but what helped me most was putting myself in the other person’s shoes.
I spent four years being single because it helped me focus on the things that mattered most: family, friends, and myself.
Right before I met Jeff, I had learned to be comfortable with myself, to fall in love with the little things again.
I went to the movie theater by myself, and ate at restaurants alone. I never felt lonely because I was in the best company — myself.
It was all part the hurt turning into healed, and it was amazing.
I fell in love with life in a way I never imagined possible.
And slowly fell for Jeff because he accepted me and all this newfound happiness.
To help me overcome the pain, I always told myself these three things:
1. You have control over your reactions, not someone else’s actions. If someone wants to hurt you, they will try everything they can to achieve it. You have the power to let them.
2. Life is beautiful. The more I told myself and everyone around me how beautiful life is, the more I began to see its beauty. The simple things, like a good book, made me smile. I focused on all the wonderful things life has to offer.
3. Love isn’t about finding it. Much like the beauty in life, you have to see all the love around you. Appreciate the moments you get to spend with those you love.
Family and friends have this natural capability to make you smile. Stick to those who love you, they already understand you have a crazy side and still love you for it.
How do you turn hurt into healed?
6 responses to “Hurt Now, Heal Later”
This is interesting and true… it is important to hurt in the present and heal later. Everyone will be hurt at some point, and taking that pain and learning from it is so important. I heal through talking, although, I hold things very close for a long time after. Thank you for sharing!
My husband and I broke up twice before getting back together and getting engaged. I think sometimes that's important because you do grow up as you learn to be by yourself.
And I love your three steps to overcoming the pain, especially the first one. It's so true that you only have control over yourself, and not anyone else's actions. Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
This was really beautiful! Obviously you went through a lot of pain but now you have found a place of peace and happiness. I have tended to go through more pain with friendships than dating but I have learned to love myself and that has helped.
Sounds like you are in a really great place now! It's good to take a step back and learn to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Thanks for this!
Loving yourself really is the most important thing! I've heard it said that how can someone else love you if you can't do it first.
WELL SAID! This is a great read for anyone in the dating world. The sooner I understood the things you discuss in the article I become so free and happy. I wish more people understood this.