Learning how to cope with the emotions of being a new mom can be tough when the people you love are looking down on how you’re feeling. Your journey into parenting doesn’t have to look like someone else’s. Here are some ways you can cope with everyday life when you’re not enjoying motherhood.
The first couple of months with your child are critical. It’s the time you create your family schedule, and when you learn to adapt to another person in your home.
In that time, you also have other factors that come into play. For instance, you might have help from family and/or friends. People who are excited to spend time with your little one while you’re off caring for yourself or running errands.
It’s a wonderful feeling to have help, but what happens when you don’t have that?
Is It Normal To Not Enjoy Being A Mom?
Not enjoying being a parent isn’t new. It’s something many before you have felt and have learned to cope with over the years.
Honestly, the idea of being a mom holds a lot of weight for many people. Not only is getting pregnant a struggle for women but caring for a child inside and outside of the womb isn’t easy.
From the moment you find out you’re expecting, you have to cut back on certain things. As time goes on, you’ll find yourself doing this more and more.
The lifestyle changes can sometimes be drastic, but you learn to continue to move forward. At least that’s what you tell yourself.
It’s not easy to make transitions when you’re not ready for them. There’s a part of you that will think back to the time when you didn’t have the responsibilities you have today.
Not enjoying motherhood is a normal feeling from time to time. It’s how you cope with the emotions that help you overcome the struggles.
Why You Might Be Struggling To Enjoy Motherhood
Learning how to cope with caring for someone else when you’re still learning how to care for yourself can be tough. A challenge many women face today.
This is one of the reasons why you’re struggling to enjoy motherhood. No matter how much time passes, you can’t continue to fake the funk.
Those cries for help your family and friends keep dismissing are real – and you need to be more verbal in what you’re feeling.
It’s scary to think how little people notice when women are struggling to find sanity while caring for a child. The signs are always there, and sometimes all you need to do is ask.
At first, there’s a ton of transitions you need to go through that happen before you get a positive pregnancy test. There’s a reason why you suspected you were expecting in the first place.
There are a handful of emotions that cross your mind. Excitement, concern, and even guilt might be crossing through your head as you begin to plan a life with a little one at home.
These emotions can happen at any point of your pregnancy, and it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or your last child. You’re never ready for whatever might come with each one.
What Is Toxic Motherhood?
Ignoring your child’s emotions, withholding love from your child, showing a lack of empathy, and blaming your child for your problems are all traits of toxic motherhood.
Raising a child to believe that they are always the problem can be damaging to them and impacts the way they look at themselves. This is one of the reasons why it’s important to heal yourself as an adult and not bring your problems into your child’s upbringing.
Not Enjoying Motherhood: Newborn
In discussing motherhood with first-time moms, you often get the following question: Is it normal to hate your life after having a baby?
Having a newborn can put a lot of pressure on you. Not only from your family and friends, but from society as well.
People are going to offer their advice without you ever initiating the conversation. This is known in the online mom community.
Regardless of whatever people throw your way, you’ll need to learn how to cope with caring for another human being as well as yourself.
This is one of the reasons why self-care for new moms is important.
When you give yourself time every day to do something for yourself, it’s a reminder that you also matter. Recharge yourself daily with 5-minute self-care ideas you can practice any time of the day.
Not Enjoying Motherhood: Toddler
A toddler’s outlook on life is interesting. They’re fearless, love to learn, and always let out a big laugh.
These are the simple things we forget as we jump into adulthood – more so with all the responsibilities placed before us.
It’s entertaining to watch a toddler explore the world around you. The issue is, sometimes those explorations can be stressful to the parent – you.
Learning how the world works comes with lots of trial and error. When you’re a toddler, you take on a lot of challenges.
This comes with a price for you as a parent who is trying to stay sane in all of this.
What To Do If You Don’t Enjoy Being A Parent?
Whether you’re dealing with a newborn or a toddler, or caring for a toddler and a newborn, you’re in control of how you feel.
The journey into motherhood isn’t easy. The truth is, it was never supposed to be.
When you’re caring for another person, there are certain things you need to keep in mind. One of them is anticipating their needs and tending to current ones.
Whether you’re caring for a child or an adult, meeting their needs is important. If you’re busy helping others, you might forget about yourself.
Below is a list of ideas to help try to get out of your head when you’re not enjoying motherhood:
- Get ready for the day;
- Explore somewhere new;
- Talk to a loved one about your feelings;
- Observe your actions;
- Understand that it’s normal; and
- Take time to yourself.
Simply getting ready for the day can make a difference in how you feel about the day and whatever comes your way.
Exploring somewhere new with a friend and their kid(s) can be a great way to get out of the funk. It’s nice to connect with someone who understands what you’re going through.
This is one of the reasons why talking to a loved one about your feelings can help improve your mood.
Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can observe your actions throughout the day. If you’re not happy, maybe you can look into what’s causing you to feel this way.
Do your best not to fall into the social media trap of comparison. Watching other moms and how they parent their kids online might be different than what reality is like for you.
There’s nothing wrong with searching for guidance, but you should never think someone else’s life is better than yours. Your life is just as interesting – if not more interesting – than someone else’s because you are in control of it.
Understanding that what you’re feeling is normal is the first step to coping with your emotions.
Taking time to yourself will help with dealing with your emotions. In this time, you’ll want to focus on doing something that makes you smile.
There will be trying times in your life as a parent. How you decide to cope with these emotions will help you improve on the past.
Whatever you might be holding on to – albeit your single life, your teen years, etc. – you need to be aware that this is your life now.
However, you choose to live your life will impact how you feel about your current state.
Emotions can run high at times, but there’s nothing more rewarding than dealing with the struggles in life, and watching yourself come out stronger.
Remember, no matter what you’re faced with today, it’s nothing someone else hasn’t had to deal with as well.
Find a support group, reach out to others, and give yourself grace.
Knowing that there are people willing to help you cope with your emotions is a blessing. Reach out to those you love – and even strangers who are dealing with it.
You might surprise yourself and overcome the toughest struggles you’ve ever been faced with in life. You deserve to believe in yourself as much as anyone else would.
Trust that there’s a rainbow at the end of all this. You just have to stick it out through these dark clouds.
15 responses to “When You’re Not Enjoying Motherhood And People Are Judging You For It”
There are plenty of times that I did not enjoy being a mom. It happens but I still love my kids.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Tara. I think it gets tough for many of us, but learning how to cope with those moments is key.
I can see where there would be times where you may not enjoy motherhood. There are days where it can become really stressful. Overall I love motherhood though.
I agree that parenting can be really hard sometimes especially as a new mom and toddlerhood. Great post about tips and how to deal
You’re welcome! Glad this post helped.
Motherhood can be difficult! Great article.
Thanks for your feedback! I appreciate it.
Thank you for not being afraid to tackle big issues. Someone needed to hear this.
Thank you, Kathleen! It’s important to share the truths about motherhood. Even the dark ones.
When my first child was born, motherhood overwhelmed me like nothing else in my life. It was trying, tiring, and not very fun at times. But I never once doubted my love for my daughter. Sleep deprivation is just the worst! And no one prepared me for it.
I couldn’t agree more on the whole sleep thing. I’ve had trouble driving because of it in the past. Never easy and sometimes you begin to question your own sanity.
Maternal mental health is such an important subject that should not be ignored. There are many emotions that come with being a mother at any stage. It can be stressful, joyful, rewarding, taxing all in the same day. Discovering how to refill yourself so you can continue to support your children is imperative.
Well said, Shanna! I think it’s important for many reasons and we are constantly shoving it under the rug and quickly labeling it under depression and stress.
I have had four beautiful children, one of whom passed away. My last child is 3 months old and I still struggle with certain feelings of missing my life before. However I would not change it for the world, she has completed our family, just hard to do the things I once did with ease before, as my youngest before her is 8.
I know the feeling. I struggled with this for so long after my third was born. I think there are different stages — emotions included — of parenting. This is just one of them.