For years, I thought of the many reasons why I wanted to settle down and start a family, but I never really thought it was for me.   

Not because I never imagined myself with a little family of my own, but because I was often told that getting married and having kids wasn’t something I’d be happy about.   

Let me explain.   

I am one of those people who quickly gets bored of people and things, and was told it would be a problem in marriage and in raising kids.   

Yes, I see my boys on a daily basis, and it’s not always rainbows and happy thoughts in our home. But that’s what keeps things interesting.

As The Story Goes…

A new day is never quite like the previous because the boys keep me on my toes.    On a good day, there might be one blowout from our infant, and one tantrum from our toddler. And just to even things out, one demand from our pup. So I’ll have poop, screaming, and barking all at once.   

But that’s just a tiny part of my day.   

There are lots of hugs and kisses from our toddler, smiles and giggles from our infant, and downtime with the pup.   

And the madness all started with two people expecting a child out of wedlock.    

When I found out we were going to have a child I was excited, and scared. Several thoughts ran through my mind.    I share a list of these thoughts below, along with ways to get over them:   

1. People are going to judge me.  This is probably the first thing that goes through your mind when you find out the pregnancy test is positive. And that’s just part of life.   

2. Not everyone is going to be happy for me.  You’re going to run into people who are genuinely happy to hear the news, while the rest are going to sit next to the people judging you. It’s okay. They’re not important anyway.   

3. I’m going to have to give up so much.  Becoming a parent means a lot of sacrifices. People have written books on how much your life changes after you become a parent.    Regardless of what those books have to say, your experience is unique.   

4. My partner’s family won’t accept me.   This was probably the toughest one for me. I didn’t really know Jeff’s family when we found out we were going to be parents.    Although most were pretty welcoming, some held back. And honestly, I don’t blame them. I’m not everyone’s favorite person.   

5. I won’t be able to afford a child right now.  Kids are expensive, and they will cost you plenty of time and lots of love. The monetary things are extra.

6. My family and friends won’t be too happy with the news.  For me, it was easier to discuss things over text. Heck, I even told Jeff that way. It’s less scarier, and you can also choose to hold off on reading someone’s reply.    Sitting down with your parents, well… That’s a different story. But do it anyway, you’ll be glad you did.   

7. My life will be on hold.  Like most things in life, you choose whether or not your current situation will put a stop to your goals.   

You can always find other alternatives to going after whatever your heart desires. 

2 responses to “7 Thoughts That Run Through Your Mind When You Have A Child Out Of Wedlock”

  1. I 100% relate! The scariest part for me was telling my family because I didn't want to be a disappointment. I was much harder on myself than anyone ever was, even to this day. I'm still struggling with some things but I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything.

    • We never want to let down those we love, so telling them we got pregnant before marriage is tough.

      We are our toughest critic. It might feel like we're letting ourselves down, but we're not. We're just being guided down a different path, one we chose ourselves.

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