The Self-Care Mom

Those trying moments you’re faced with are only the beginning of something great.

There’s beauty in letting go, and this is something I preach to family and friends, even strangers along the way.

Less than six months ago, I decided to stop focusing on others and made it a point to work on myself and ways to improve on the person that I am.

I’ll never claim to be perfect, nor will I ever tell someone to follow my lead. Everything that’s ever been placed before me has required love and dedication.

To some, what I’m about to share isn’t anything new, since we all have our own struggles.

When we bought our home in 2017, it was an emotional rollercoaster. Our realtor could tell you about the roadblocks we faced and how we were able to accomplish it together.

Letting Go

Having a big heart can put you in situations you don’t need to be in. My husband recently told me that sometimes I can be an “all or nothing” kind of person.

Life will teach you that there’s a reason why you were given two hands. Like my aunt Clara says, “You were given two hands. One is to help yourself and the other to help those around you.”

One thing people won’t mention is how important it is to understand that you can’t (and you really shouldn’t) help others who aren’t willing to help themselves.

With time, I’ve learned there’s no reason for you to drown in knee-deep water with someone if all they need to do is lift themselves up and walk away.

Refocusing Your Energy

After letting go of trying to help others solve their on-going issues, I realized I had issues I needed to deal with myself:

– I needed to work out a schedule so I stopped paying bills late and paying additional fees;
– I needed to stop dodging phone calls from companies because I didn’t want to be an adult;
– I needed to stop complaining that the kids weren’t letting me work;
– I needed to get client deliverables on time instead of two days before the deadline; and
– I needed to make time for my husband.

Everything in the list above might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes you need to go through something to realize how much you need to re-evaluate your life.

The Choice Of Working From Home

I always knew I didn’t want to just be a stay-at-home mom. I always thought about the future — when the kids are all in school. This blog started six years ago this month, and I’m forever grateful for the opportunities that have come along with it.

There’s a side to working from home that not a lot of people will show you, and it’s the mess you become as you try to juggle it all at once.

Although I help my husband financially, it hurt us when I would forget to pay bills. This almost cost us our car and our home. Yes, it was that bad.

Three months after having our baby, my father went back to North Jersey. I no longer had the help at home (my husband works 60+ hours a week).

While focusing on clients and other side projects, I developed a habit of putting the bills to the side. I would tell myself I’d get to them… and then months would go by.

One day, I woke up to take our son to school and our car was missing. It wasn’t stolen. My husband knew what happened, and had already warned me about forgetting to schedule the payments. I cried, and we argued about it.

Fortunately, we had the money in our account to get the car back. I learned my lesson then and we’ve been on time with those payments ever since.

Months went by, I tried to be on top of things as much as I could. One day I tried accessing our HOA account online and it didn’t let me login. I didn’t think anything of it, and said I’d call when I had the chance. Shortly, we received a letter from a lawyer about our HOA. We had 45 days to send a payment to them before our home would fall into foreclosure.

It was no longer the usual payment. It had tripled.

My husband got home that night and I was crying in the playroom. He held me close and asked what was wrong. I told him about how I hadn’t been on top of things and what the letter said. He told me we would get through it together and that we wouldn’t allow it to happen.

That same month, we received another letter from our other HOA (perks of having a master HOA, right?)

This amount was higher. The local realtors were also sending us letters about selling our home. It was nonstop and frustrating at times.

All this happened before the summer, during a time I had planned celebrating my 30th at LEGOland as a family. Those plans were put on hold and we focused on the important things, like keeping a roof over our heads and hustling more than even to keep our home.

Change For The Better

Working for the car business can be stressful, and when my husband switched jobs, we were still struggling. My business helped us stay afloat.

There was a time we were expecting a check from his previous employer to complete the payment and it didn’t come. Fortunately, I was working with a local company that paid before the work was completed.

That check came in the day we were expecting the one from my husband’s previous employer and it brought me to tears — all of joy!

Learning To Push Through

This month makes six years since I started Motherhood Through My Eyes, and it’s the same month we received the letter stating we’ve been approved by our mortgage company for a loan modification.

I share all this with my readers because there needs to be transparency. You see the collaborations and comments from my clients who rave about working with me. It’s great, but there’s another side to being a business owner that people don’t tell you.

Having support from those you love is important. My husband has always been my #1 fan, and I thank him for believing in me during my weakest. My family is my inspiration, they keep me going. The love we have for what we do, that’s what keeps us going.

If you are struggling with anything, just know that it’s only temporary. You will get through it. Don’t wait for things to happen — make them happen.