Those trying moments you’re faced with are only the beginning of something great.
There’s beauty in letting go, and this is something I preach to family and friends, even strangers along the way.
Less than six months ago, I decided to stop focusing on others and made it a point to work on myself and ways to improve on the person that I am.
I’ll never claim to be perfect, nor will I ever tell someone to follow my lead. Everything that’s ever been placed before me has required love and dedication.
To some, what I’m about to share isn’t anything new, since we all have our own struggles.
When we bought our home in 2017, it was an emotional rollercoaster. Our realtor could tell you about the roadblocks we faced and how we were able to accomplish it together.
Having a big heart can put you in situations you don’t need to be in. My husband recently told me that sometimes I can be an “all or nothing” kind of person.
Life will teach you that there’s a reason why you were given two hands. Like my aunt Clara says, “You were given two hands. One is to help yourself and the other to help those around you.”
One thing people won’t mention is how important it is to understand that you can’t (and you really shouldn’t) help others who aren’t willing to help themselves.
With time, I’ve learned there’s no reason for you to drown in knee-deep water with someone if all they need to do is lift themselves up and walk away.
Refocusing Your Energy
After letting go of trying to help others solve their on-going issues, I realized I had issues I needed to deal with myself:
– I needed to work out a schedule so I stopped paying bills late and paying additional fees;
– I needed to stop dodging phone calls from companies because I didn’t want to be an adult;
– I needed to stop complaining that the kids weren’t letting me work;
– I needed to get client deliverables on time instead of two days before the deadline; and
– I needed to make time for my husband.
Everything in the list above might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes you need to go through something to realize how much you need to re-evaluate your life.
The Choice Of Working From Home
I always knew I didn’t want to just be a stay-at-home mom. I always thought about the future — when the kids are all in school. This blog started six years ago this month, and I’m forever grateful for the opportunities that have come along with it.
There’s a side to working from home that not a lot of people will show you, and it’s the mess you become as you try to juggle it all at once.
Although I help my husband financially, it hurt us when I would forget to pay bills. This almost cost us our car and our home. Yes, it was that bad.
Three months after having our baby, my father went back to North Jersey. I no longer had the help at home (my husband works 60+ hours a week).
While focusing on clients and other side projects, I developed a habit of putting the bills to the side. I would tell myself I’d get to them… and then months would go by.
One day, I woke up to take our son to school and our car was missing. It wasn’t stolen. My husband knew what happened, and had already warned me about forgetting to schedule the payments. I cried, and we argued about it.
Fortunately, we had the money in our account to get the car back. I learned my lesson then and we’ve been on time with those payments ever since.
Months went by, I tried to be on top of things as much as I could. One day I tried accessing our HOA account online and it didn’t let me login. I didn’t think anything of it, and said I’d call when I had the chance. Shortly, we received a letter from a lawyer about our HOA. We had 45 days to send a payment to them before our home would fall into foreclosure.
It was no longer the usual payment. It had tripled.
My husband got home that night and I was crying in the playroom. He held me close and asked what was wrong. I told him about how I hadn’t been on top of things and what the letter said. He told me we would get through it together and that we wouldn’t allow it to happen.
That same month, we received another letter from our other HOA (perks of having a master HOA, right?)
This amount was higher. The local realtors were also sending us letters about selling our home. It was nonstop and frustrating at times.
All this happened before the summer, during a time I had planned celebrating my 30th at LEGOland as a family. Those plans were put on hold and we focused on the important things, like keeping a roof over our heads and hustling more than even to keep our home.
Change For The Better
Working for the car business can be stressful, and when my husband switched jobs, we were still struggling. My business helped us stay afloat.
There was a time we were expecting a check from his previous employer to complete the payment and it didn’t come. Fortunately, I was working with a local company that paid before the work was completed.
That check came in the day we were expecting the one from my husband’s previous employer and it brought me to tears — all of joy!
Learning To Push Through
This month makes six years since I started Motherhood Through My Eyes, and it’s the same month we received the letter stating we’ve been approved by our mortgage company for a loan modification.
I share all this with my readers because there needs to be transparency. You see the collaborations and comments from my clients who rave about working with me. It’s great, but there’s another side to being a business owner that people don’t tell you.
Having support from those you love is important. My husband has always been my #1 fan, and I thank him for believing in me during my weakest. My family is my inspiration, they keep me going. The love we have for what we do, that’s what keeps us going.
62 responses to “The Day Love Found A Way”
Omg!! I’m tearing up. I admire you so much and it’s so hard to juggle so much these days. I appreciate you and all you have done for me. I may not be there all the time but hopefully I can be there when you need me. Xoxo
Thank you, Heather. It’s scary to think about the madness that went down this year, but it’s brought us to where we are today. I appreciate you taking the time to read this.
I love your honesty. I feel like I’ve been in every single one of those situations also. Working from home is not easy. It’s so much more challenging to be your own boss because no one is there to help you do things. And it’s easy to forget things, like bills!
Thank you, Heather. It’s crazy how people always wonder how they can work from home too, but they don’t think about how important is it to be organized. You can lose your mind in the process, or worse, your family. I’ve met people who’ve divorced their spouse over things.
I love this. I also work from home, and it can be tricky. It works out for my husband and I because his military schedule can be nuts, so it means I can get the kids if they need help or rides.
Wow! You are so brave. I admire that you are so honest and open about your struggles. I work from home and I know for a fact that it can get really complicated real quick. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Yes, it definitely does get a bit overwhelming at times. Thanks for this, Candace.
I can imaging how it can be as a military family. We have family and friends who are.
Thanks for being real. We all have tough times with being a mom. I too have missed payments on bills because life got too crazy.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Tara. I know it’s not easy with the handful of things on your list.
The hardest lesson I learned Wes to take a deep breath, wait 5 seconds before just saying yes to everything and everyone. It is so powering to sometimes say NO!
Absolutely. I’ve cut back on the things I agree to do and the places I’ll go. Yes, you can help others, but not by hurting yourself.
That final quote is so important, not just for this post but for life in general. Thank you so much for sharing this with us today.
You’re welcome, Krysten. Thanks for taking the time out to read this heartfelt post.
Having support from the ones you love is the most important thing actually. I feel that when they don’t take you and your ambitions seriously, there is a void that can’t really let you be at your full potential.
Having that support really does make a difference. I love that my circle has gotten smaller throughout the years. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thoe support I have found in those who genuinely care and love me, it’s beautiful!
It is a struggle to work from home. I’ve always struggled with time management.
Time management is everything. The more to schedule time for the things you need to do vs the things you want to do, the easier it becomes. Good luck, DeeDee.
I can feel you Fatima. I struggle too but in my heart I know I’m going to make it!
That’s beautiful. Don’t quit! The more you work on it, the easier it becomes.
Reading this post was truly inspiring for me! Lately, I have this feeling that I’m stuck, in my career and life in general. This gives me hope that things will get better! Thank you for this, truly!
Such great advice. If you think of situations as temporary, you can let go of the stress and work through them quicker.