Some people don’t realize how much their actions can impact someone else. It’s even worse when they aren’t careful with how they use their words.
After finding out I was pregnant, I told my mom. She thought it was a joke. I cried. She yelled. I cried some more.
It was a mess of emotions.
I didn’t know what to do. And forget having to tell my dad! This was something my mom made me do. She didn’t want any part of it. Or so she said.
The minute I told my father his reaction was similar to my mother’s. He thought it was a joke.
Thankfully, my parents had met Jeff prior to us dating, and they knew about us dating beforehand.
(Read how we met here)
But my father’s words really hurt me. He said, “me decepcionaste.” Meaning: he trusted me and I let him down.
I had always been his little girl, and then I shattered his dreams of one day walking me down the aisle, and handing me off to someone he could love as his own son.
Not to say he doesn’t feel that way with Jeff, because he does. You can see it in his face whenever he sees Jeff or just speaks to him. But the way things happened just didn’t let him prepare for what was to come.
My Reaction
After my father’s words, I packed what I could, and headed out the door. I told a close friend about the situation and went to her house for the night.
She had family over and had told her family about the situation. Her mom was a sweetheart and welcomed me in. Her father gave me the same look as my dad did. Her father is Dominican as well, so you can imagine a stern dad look.
The next day, I told Jeff about the situation. He asked why I hadn’t told him about what happened with my father and why I hadn’t gone to stay at his house instead. I didn’t have the right mindset to even pick up the phone and throw something else on his plate. I remember his words, “you should’ve. This is a plate we can share.”
And I left it at that.
Years down the line, his words have proven to ring true.
Becoming Part Of Jeff’s Family
I wasn’t welcomed 100% by Jeff’s family and friends. And honestly, I don’t blame them.
Here was this woman who went from girl he’s dating, to baby mama within months of meeting me. I’m pretty sure some even questioned whether I was lying, or if there was someone else who could be the father.
My good friend Julie came with me to the first doctor’s appointment to confirm my pregnancy, and Jeff came with me during the first ultrasound to hear the heartbeat.
It was a sigh of relief to know that in all this chaos there was a life being sheltered in my tummy.
Jeff and I didn’t get married until before the birth of our second child, but before that, someone made a comment. They said I wasn’t family because we hadn’t been married.
It blew my mind, and I would bring it up often to this person whenever they made any other comment about anything.
I was mean to them, and I dreaded having to deal with them because this person saw me as just a baby mama.
Today, we’re a lot more cordial with each other. He’s learned to be a little more careful with his words, and so have I. Because, if you know me, then you know I can be just as mean as the next person, but I choose to control myself.
14 responses to “Words Can Really Hurt You”
It's so hard when someone does this to you, especially what happened with your mom and dad. I had a similar situation as you with my first child who is now 14 years old. It goes without saying "words have power" be careful and mindful of how you use them as you don't want to regret saying or not saying something but there is always a way you can put them so that it doesn't hurt the other person.
Hey Mary. Wow, I can imagine all the emotions you went through at such a young age. Sometimes people aren't careful with what they say, and they can really hurt someone's feelings without noticing it.
It wasn't easy, but then again nothing in life is.
I had so many emotions while reading this…almost like I was in your shoes! I hate that some people feel the need to judge others when they aren't in the situation themselves. Words can be SO powerful and it's something we should all keep in mind 🙂
Thank you, Kait. We all go through these moments. And you're right, words are very powerful.
Choosing our words is so important. I so understand how you feel. This is a beautiful post and so important for all of us to understand that our words can hurt more than anything.
Thank you, Monica. It hasn't been an easy journey, but definitely well worth it.
I'll never understand others need to judge others, but you're right. Words are powerful, so we should be careful about how we use them.
Me neither. Some people just feel they are a step above others.
There are so many emotions tied into this post. Mean words are more of a reflection of who the other person is. Not a reflection of you.
Thanks, Jill. Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but you're right. 🙂
Words can be very hurtful especially coming from people that you love. One thing, I wish people would really understand is that family is not just blood related. To me, family is your support system. Those that stand by your side through thick and thin. Those that will be there for you no matter the circumstances.
I love Jeff's comment to you about having a plate to share…. what a beautiful supporting guy you have there! Im going to use that in other situations that Im dealing with in regards to a 13 year old. Its a great way to explain we can be there for each other!
it is soooo hard when families collide sometimes. I have experienced the 'distance' that sometimes exists in families but you know what, you just have to do you and if they don't like you, that's on them 😉
This is so so hard! I read this and remembered telling a family member I was pregnant and hearing her tell me how disappointed she was in me. It never left my heart completely.